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We’ve all been there—standing (or sitting) in a cellar door, nodding along while someone confidently declares, “I’m getting forest floor, violets, and a hint of tabacco.” Meanwhile, you’re just thinking, “Tastes like… crushed grapes?” Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered. With a few simple tricks, you can sound like a wine connoisseur—without actually having to be one.
1. Swirl, but don’t go full tornado.
Yes, swirling your glass helps release aromas, and yes, it makes you look like you know what you’re doing. But if you swirl like you’re about to summon a storm, you’ll either splash wine onto yourself or, worse, someone else. A few casual, controlled rotations will do.
2. Have go-to phrases that work for everything.
When in doubt, throw out these foolproof lines:
“This has great structure.” (People will nod. No one knows what this really means.)
“I love how balanced this is.” (Because balance is good, right?)
“That finish just lingers beautifully.” (Even if it doesn’t, who’s going to argue?)
3. Master the tannin talk.
Tannins = that dry, grippy feeling in your mouth. If a wine makes your gums feel like they’re coated in velvet sandpaper, just nod wisely and say, “Such a great tannic backbone.” Instantly credible.
4. Never say ‘smooth.’ Ever.
Saying a wine is “smooth” is like calling someone’s personality “nice.” It tells you nothing. Instead, say:
“Silky” (for medium reds)
“Rounded” (for whites with a bit of richness)
“Well-integrated” (for anything, because it sounds intelligent)
5. The ‘legs’ myth: stop staring.
You’ve seen it—people swirling, watching the wine drip down the glass, and declaring something profound about its alcohol content. Truth is, those “legs” don’t mean much. But if you want to sound impressive, murmur, “Nice viscosity,” and move on.
Final Tip:
The best way to fake wine knowledge? Just enjoy the damn thing. No pressure, no pretension. And if you do want to taste wines like a pro (without the pressure), check out our tasting experiences or wine club and we’ll guide you through the real deal—no bluffing required.
